Maybe that's why I feel a little low about being in Japan, and I always feel pangs of guilt when I fail to appreciate my living situation and decisions. I tend to feel this way when I'm overwhelmed and stressed with various daily life issues (mo' money mo' problems), and naturally I keep thinking things would be so much easier if I were home. It's so convenient to blame everything on the place you live in when you're abroad. Then again, I'd go back to Canada and idealize Japan, thinking it was so great and why did I leave. I think there is no perfect arrangement. To be honest, I truly admire those who do decide to leave Japan and try settling back home after several years, as I know how difficult it is. Once you get a taste of living abroad, I think you get restless for the rest of your life.
I'm not planning on leaving Japan anytime soon, and I think this summer's visit will clear up a lot of questioning I constantly have about life on the other side of the pond. I'm also not feeling so restless for once, I'm actually so happy I finally settled down a little bit in my Tokyo life; a cozy home, a full time job I absolutely enjoy, a healthy routine and a solid network of friends (it's not nearly settling down, but believe me, it is in my case!).
Maybe I miss the excitement of being new in Japan or even Tokyo, but Tokyo is so big that I could never finish exploring it during this lifetime. It's most likely just a phase, and maybe I need to tear myself away from my laptop, get over my hatred of crowded trains and find those little things that never fail to remind me why I fell in love with Japan in the first place.
In other news, rainy season will start shortly, and I actually don't mind it that much, except for my hair.