Friday, July 5, 2013

Foreign Girls Dating in Japan


Shoes are a deal breaker. 

According to my blog's analytics, Foreign Girls Dating in Japan is the most searched term that leads to my blog (well, after "futon"), which is funny as I deliberately never blogged about this. I've been in Japan nearly four years, and never knew what to say about dating in Japan- or rather, I wanted to research more and give correct information, as it kept changing through the years. At some points I found it really fun and easy, then found it extremely difficult, and now, I'm in a stable place.

On one of my first nights in Japan, while training in Nagoya, my friend Mike and I went to a small foreigner-owned bar where we met a Black Francis look-alike (if you need to google this, you seriously need to pick up a few Pixies albums). Frank Black was a seasoned foreigner, and he had been in Japan for several years, therefore offered us newbies his best piece of wisdom. To Mike, he said "You'll be getting insane amounts of girls**" (**the actual word was not girls, but a charming p-word), and to me, "You're not going to get any, so you'll come running back to me".

For several months and perhaps years following that encounter, I laughed at how ridiculous his words were, and wanted to prove him wrong- which I did for a while. Then, as I found myself more single than ever, I started to think he maybe had a point. I never went running back to Black Francis, but while not being entirely wrong, the guy had a point.

Foreign girls dating in Japan don't always have it easy, but I think many of them make it difficult for themselves. They only go after foreign males, which is why they're not getting any. As charming and smart and fun foreign guys are, they're best kept as friends. And as beautiful, intelligent and interesting we foreign girls are, foreign males are not going to go after us when surrounded in a playground of mini skirt and heels-clad babes. I can't blame them either. Japanese girls are some of the most beautiful in the world, they take amazing care of themselves and are kind, caring individuals. 

In Japan, foreign girls sometimes have a reputation for being loud, noisy, overweight, badly-dressed and not groomed. While I'm sure some are, most of the foreign girls I know in Japan are the exact opposite and this is usually something that bitter foreign males with a Charisma Man complex say to make themselves feel better. Yet, it's not a fair assessment to label all guys as Charisma Men, as many of my male friends in Japan are anything but, and it's not fair to say all foreign girls are oversized cavemen-like creatures. Most of my foreign female friends are gorgeous, dainty, well-behaved and make Japanese girls insecure.

Many foreign girls fail to see the possibilities around them, and all the great dates they might be missing out on, because they usually have misconceptions about Japanese males- they've heard they're too shy, or they don't speak English, or they cultural gap is too large. Well, many foreign girls are totally missing out, as Japanese guys make amazing partners, and they'll take you out on fabulous dates, and show you Japan like you've never seen it. They're extremely caring, kind, thoughtful. Some of them may be a little shy, but boys are boys everywhere in the world- they want the same thing, so just keep that in mind and it may be easier. 

Boys will be boys. Those are my words of wisdom, there ya go, Frank Black.


31 comments:

Athena Barbour said...

Love your words of wisdom on boys so vrai!

snowfish1121 said...

It is SO true. No matter how awkward, unattractive, or weird foreign guys are, they WILL find a girlfriend in Japan. But it can be slim pickin's for us poor foreign girls. The ones who do find themselves with plenty of dates are lucky. I've never delved into the world of dating Japanese men, as I was already with my (British) boyfriend before coming to Japan, so I guess I'm pretty lucky. I'm not exactly the dainty type, ha ha. Pretty sure Japanese men are NOT interested in me, except for free English lessons... Of all the foreign girls I know here, only one or two have dated Japanese men. But ALL the foreign guys I know have Japanese girlfriends.

Christine said...

I think foreign guys can always score in Asia. Anywhere in Asia. I went to Thailand with my bf on vacation and I leave him for 5 minutes and a woman was talking to him already and warned me to keep him close, hahaha.

artslondonblog said...

I think there are maybe a few too many comments in this entry about things that "foreign girls" do - I know what you're trying to say. But I also know so many foreign girls who did just fine. Also know males lacking in any social skills who continued to find it difficult even in Japan where it is, clearly, easier.

I know your piece acknowledges the fact that all these exceptions exist, but it does seem a bit stereotype focussed-and also quite Tokyo focussed-things are a bit different outside the big city party scenes maybe?

Actually, maybe the thing I wanted to read about-as a neutral reader-was something based more on your personal experiences, rather than your general observations. but at the same time, as your mate, I think writing about that on here would be a terrible idea!

artslondonblog said...

I think there are maybe a few too many comments in this entry about things that "foreign girls" do - I know what you're trying to say. But I also know so many foreign girls who did just fine. Also know males lacking in any social skills who continued to find it difficult even in Japan where it is, clearly, easier.

I know your piece acknowledges the fact that all these exceptions exist, but it does seem a bit stereotype focussed-and also quite Tokyo focussed-things are a bit different outside the big city party scenes maybe?

Actually, maybe the thing I wanted to read about-as a neutral reader-was something based more on your personal experiences, rather than your general observations. but at the same time, as your mate, I think writing about that on here would be a terrible idea!

pigonthego said...

Very optimistic advice! I agree that dating is hardly impossible for foreign women (and I'm far from being as slim and stylish as you!).

I think part of the problem is psychological, or at least it was with me. People are a lot more open about commenting on your weight and general appearance in Japan than in the US (I found). If you're raised in a culture where those comments are the norm, that's cool, but if you're not, it can really make you feel kind of unattractive (or fantastic, depending on the comments!). If you take it for what it's meant to be (casual commentary) as opposed to alarmist cautions about your health, life is a lot easier.

Also, and I don't like to generalize, but I found Japanese men to be less obvious in the dating process. Some guys, from employees in my gym to Japanese teachers at the Community Center, were friendly about striking up conversations, and I thought they were just being nice. Only once I got into a long-term relationship did I hear they had been interested.

And even with my BF, after he initiated the relationship by approaching me in the bar, I was in charge of making every other first move until we were living together. So, if a guy is being friendly to you and you like him, go for it! Being oblivious like I am will get you nowhere. :)

And lastly, if you do fall for a fellow foreigner, don't lose all hope! There was one guy I really liked but never approached romantically, figuring an awesome guy like he was no short of dates. When I confessed my feelings to another foreign, cute and nerdy friend, he rolled his eyes and said, "Come on. If this weren't Japan, you wouldn't even look at us." I think old insecurities die hard and it's easy to forget that when people seem so content on the surface.

Long comment, sorry :(

Rachael Brennan said...

One of the reasons I chose to leave Japan after 2 years was the fact that I thought I was never going to find a relationship over there (not that that is why I was there, I was just getting old). I lived in Tochigi, so about an hour out of Tokyo, and I definitely think Japanese guys were more hesitant to date foreign girls. I dated one guy for about 6 months, but it didn't work out. I tended to feel that I was more of an "experience" for the guys I saw, not a potential partner.
I'm sure if i'd been living in Tokyo, it may have been easier.

Vivian said...

Athena, thank you! I think in the end I really meant, boys are boys wherever they're from, so it's difficult to judge how they'll act aced on their nationality!

Vivian said...

snowfish: yup, indeed. it's easier for foreign men to find japanese girlfriends, and i think it's also because japanese girls are not as shy as japanese men! i think japanese men are just as interested in us (regardless of size), but too shy to approach. it's nice you were here with your boyfriend, makes things easier i think. I remember lots of time thinking i'd be alone forever when i was single, as no one was even looking at me, and it messed with my head.

Vivian said...

Christine- haha!! indeed! and i admire Asian women for being so straightforward, i wish Asian men were like them, it would make things easier P:)

Vivian said...

artslondonblog- I know what you mean, but to be honest, those observations are absolutely based on my 'research' and experience in both Shikoku and Tokyo. Getting the attention of foreign males was just as difficult in the countryside. True that there weren't so many eligible Japanese men in rural Japan (as the population in Shikoku was like 85 years old average haha), and the Japanese men facts are relevant to Tokyo.

Although there is no personal tone to this post, you know absolutely well that it's completely based on my experiences (Tokyo party scene yes, but also Shikoku and my bouts not dating at all for nearly 2 years) which I chose not to describe in detail, but I did learn from them.

And indeed, some foreign girls do well with foreign males- some foreign males are into foreign girls too, and some foreign males find it extremely difficult to date here.

Thanks for your comment, which I found interesting to read from your perspective as you know me in real life. I'm sure most readers would LOVE an account of juicy stories about my dating experiences, but hey, only a lucky few friends have access to those bits :)

Vivian said...

pigonthego- you raise some interesting points, i.e., about the weight comments. that's another issue i want to write about as it's been bothering me in Japan, even being slim i feel embarrassed by my body here, but it's ridiculous to think like that.

I agree about going for Japanese guys, even if they seem shy! They want the same thing as other boys, it's just more difficult or a longer process for them to chat us up, but it's worth waiting and working on it. They're very attentive and caring, and maybe that's why the initial contact takes longer.

So true about what the foreign males said, and that's another great point- and maybe i did start going after some foreigners i wouldn't go after back home because i was so desperate for some kind of attention. Sad but true.

Vivian said...

Rachael- Yes, it's more difficult outside of Tokyo. I never dated Japanese guys in Shikoku, but mostly because no one was around my age, and it's more difficult to meet young, eligible people in general. Tokyo is far easier to meet Japanese boys, definitely!

Beauty Box said...

Well-said and good advice as well. While there are those stereotypes that exist in the dating world in Japan, I think being open-minded is the key to success. In fact, that applies to dating anywhere in the world...

Noriko Murphy said...

First, Japanese men tend to be more reserved than Western men. They are really quiet, passive, and serious most of the time, which make them so boring when you are with them. Japanese women who are more outgoing and fun can easily get bored with those reserved Japanese men and find Western men much more attractive to go out with.

- See more at: I cannot find Japanese men attractive!

Vivian said...

Noriko: Interesting point of view! I can see what you mean, I think some 'traditional' types are definitely like that, boring and reserved, and my Japanese girl friends find them difficult to date. However, I met so many cool, outgoing and interesting Japanese guys, especially the ones who traveled abroad- so I think there are some great ones there, but I see your point. I think many Japanese men have become the 'herbivore' type, and it's not good!

Asifur Rahman said...

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Hello, do you want a good dating site? Create a dating site at your won. It is very simple.

alicia jackson said...

I've run into some real crappy people on dating sites. What they say in their profile isn't true at all. I was wondering if there was a website where people blog the truth about some of these fakes and I found globogirls.com it's actually more of a social network thing for people who would like to meet travel mates from different countries. The good thing about it is that it's totally secure because they have the feature of video chatting with these girls so you'll not share your personal contacts unless you're 100% sure , One thing that I really liked was the tips on how to avoid scam and fraud.

Gina. Bear said...

Thanks for this insightful blog! I've been told by countless Japanese men (those that had been exposed to foreigners) that I am beautiful and I should be myself and I'd have no trouble finding a Japanese boyfriend.... I've even been approached by obasans on the street who have told me I have a friendly and bright face. This has taken me aback on many occasions but I hope it's true! I'm currently trying to get myself a Japanese boyfriend and this has been so encouraging! Thank you so, so much! Cheers!

Jay Kay said...

Pick up attractive women!

Lee Bill said...

Japanese girls are pretty! Austrilia dating here.

Sheamus Warior said...

This is one of the most important blogs that I have seen, keep it up!dating games

Adrina Lima said...

Lovely site and presentation.
Best XXX Play.
X Girls Pics.
Girls Sex Voice.

westerngirleasternboy.com said...

Oh, this is a perfect read! I have been trying to find out more about Japan from the perspective of someone without biases or prejudices, or rose colored glasses, too. This also sparked a great discussion. I learned a lot! My gut always tells me that boys will be boys, but I think it's girls and women that have a harder time being themselves or bouncing back from rejection, especially when we're suddenly Alices in a less-than wonderland.

Rameshh K said...

My way of dating with girls are little different. Come and check my video on dating.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w3y9S9JS9U

Global Maket said...

Design is pretty simple and a good user friendly interface.
http://www.johnnycassell.com/going-out-tips-best-chat-up-lines-to-use-on-a-night-out

Max Sttalon said...

Finaly! Exactly what i was looking for... thank you
Free Chinese chat app

adiba akter said...

..
..
.>>....24pornvideo - Free Adult Dating service sites


.>>....Porn sex video - Porn stars


.>>....Dating video - Live Porn Dating


.>>....Gay free sex vodeo - gay porno


.>>....Russian dating - Polish dating


.>>....European sex


.>>....Teen sex


.>>....Lesbian sex


.>>....Hardcore sex - xmxx


.>>....Big dicks sex - Asian sex
..
..
.>>....24pornvideo - Free Adult Dating service sites


.>>....Porn sex video - Porn stars


.>>....Dating video - Live Porn Dating


.>>....Gay free sex vodeo - gay porno


.>>....Russian dating - Polish dating


.>>....European sex


.>>....Teen sex


.>>....Lesbian sex


.>>....Hardcore sex - xmxx


.>>....Big dicks sex - Asian sex









































































..
..
.>>....24pornvideo - Free Adult Dating service sites


.>>....Porn sex video - Porn stars


.>>....Dating video - Live Porn Dating


.>>....Gay free sex vodeo - gay porno


.>>....Russian dating - Polish dating


.>>....European sex


.>>....Teen sex


.>>....Lesbian sex


.>>....Hardcore sex - xmxx


.>>....Big dicks sex - Asian sex
..
..

Blogger said...

Searching for the Best Dating Website? Create an account to find your perfect match.

design said...

This is my first time i visit here. I discovered such a variety of intriguing stuff in your website particularly its dialog. From the huge amounts of remarks on your articles, I figure I am not by any means the only one having all the happiness here! keep doing awesome adult encounters

asia fm99 said...

Indian Chat Rooms its a amzaing and full of fun post i like it.


great post i like it Pakistani Chat Rooms you can join it free.



Adult Live Chat room join me there for live cam chat.


Teen Chats Rooms wawoooo how is nice post this one i like it. you can join it free.



Indian Fashion wawoooo how is nice post this one i like it. you can join it free.

Linuxmind1


Indian Chat Room join us its free cam chat amazaing i like it.



PAKISTANI ONLINE CHATROOMS join us its free cam chat amazaing i like it.


INDIAN CHATROOMS wawoooo how is nice post this one i like it. you can join it free.


MOBILE CHAT ROOMS its a amzaing and full of fun post i like it.



Sex Chat Rooms its a amzaing and full of fun post i like it.