Sunday, September 19, 2010

Dating in Japan

I meant to write about this a long time ago, and I feel like I've been here long enough to share my observations about dating life in rural Japan, and what to expect. This is just my opinion based on personal experiences, please share yours if you want!

*If you're a foreign girl, don't expect to find any kind of serious relationship, and don't expect any kind of attention. Japanese boys are VERY shy and intimidated by foreign girls, and while they are curious about us, not too many of them are confident enough to make a move.

*If you're a foreign male, you'll be in luck. Japanese girls are more aggressive and confident than their male counterparts. They're usually looking for serious relationships, and they think dating a foreign boy is quite exotic and cool. Sometimes they don't really care for looks, as long as you're a foreigner. Just sayin'.

*Foreigner males are usually into Japanese girls, and into having fun. I've seen a lot of foreign boys who got married to Japanese girls and started a family. The foreign boys who don't want serious relationships often date fellow foreign girls, because they know we're usually more open to casual relationships. It can be good AND bad.

*I find the lack of attention from young Japanese males to be a bit frustrating. They barely look at us. However, according to my Japanese friends, they fantasize over foreign girls, but are too intimidated to talk to us, let alone flirt. I know that some foreign girls have had success with Japanese boys, but they were straightforward girls. Personally I think many Japanese boys are very attractive, and I wish they were less shy.

*As a foreign girl you'll get TOO MUCH unwanted attention from older (drunk) Japanese men. It can get uncomfortable to get stared at, but I never felt unsafe or threatened. Japan is a very safe country.

*If you live in a small town, don't date other foreigners, unless you want to feel like a celebrity on the cover of weekly gossip magazines. Small town folks talk a lot and it can totally ruin the relationship, therefore put a damper on your experience in a rural area, and create awkward social situations. Although dating someone from your country can feel nice and comforting, it usually cannot lead anywhere, as Japan is a temporary experience for both.

*As a foreign girl you'll need a lot of self confidence to feel great about yourself- don't rely on male attention to make you feel attractive, because it's pretty nonexistent in rural Japan.

*Big Japanese cities such as Osaka and Tokyo are so much better for dating opportunities, as people seem less shy there, and well, the choices are less limited.

{Good luck. You'll be okay.}

Japan can definitely be a lot of fun, if you're not looking for anything serious and just want to have a good time. After all, living in Japan is like an extended trip, and it's kind of a surreal world.

Please feel free to agree or disagree to any of the aforementioned statements. Maybe some of them sound harsh and general. Those are just what I've experienced here, but I'd love to hear different opinions.


French lover said...

Very enlightening ;) Et, oui, c'est définitivement bizarre (surtout pour une française) de ne recevoir AUCUNE sorte d'attention de la part des hommes japonais (sauf les vieux drunk, that is)...

{lovely little things} said...

They are SOOO shy!
Very different from American guys who expect to take you home at the end of the night.

Leah said...

Hey Vivian, I was catching up on your blog and I love this post.
My advice, if you see a cute Japanese guy get drunk (yes, drunk) and go for it. At the least, he will be VERY flattered that a foreign girl is hitting on him. The getting drunk part: "nomunication" (drinking communication) is actually a Japanese catchphrase used to describe the uninhibited communication that unfortunately is unlikely to occur when sober.
It's just part of the culture.
Also--I recently had a date with a Japanese guy state-side and it was very strange and awkward. Have fun while you're in Japan, but as for anything serious, I agree that it's doubtful.

Vivian said...

Ah, Leah, thanks for your comment!!! I'll try it!!! I guess I don't want to have to do any work at all... sigh.
I miss you so much!!! I want to hear about your life back home... I should email you, I have a lot of boring Kagawa gossip... xx

lisa said...

yeah I agee with the no dating in rural Japan assessment. I managed to find one of those "not shy" guys after a couple months he spent the weekend at my apartment. So obviously the entire town knew I had a grade 5 girls asked if we had gone to a love hotel...SERIOUSLY?!? only in Japan!

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