Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dear Cockroach


{My weapon of choice}

Dear Cockroach,

I was having a fine time, relaxing at home. It was around 1am, I had just gotten home from an evening hanging out and drinking with friends, and was watching How I Met Your Mother. I got up to get a glass of water, and there you were, walking around my sink. I thought I'd seen it all in Korea (my apartment used to be infested with your kind), but no. You were much, much bigger and faster than your Korean counterpart. And darker and uglier, with long antennae. You made me shriek a little, in the middle of a peaceful Shikoku night. My neighbours must hate me. Thank goodness I had a few cocktails in me, for liquid courage. I'm (not) sorry I used a whole can of bug spray on you. It took you that much to stop moving around. I'm (not) sorry I washed you down the drain, after I killed you. Probably where you came from anyways.

I hope you're sorry you kept me awake all night, because I was still too shaky and nervous to sleep. I slept with the lights on. You make me feel disgusted with my cute little apartment, in which I don't even feel at home anymore. I hope to never see members of your species EVER again.

Today I went to the store to get another can of spray. The clerk helped me pick the strongest stuff. All I could blurt out was "Gokiburi", which is Japanese for cockroach. I'm quite embarrassed about that purchase. Now, because of you, everyone in my small town probably knows I have a roach issue (and what conditioner I use), even though it's very normal in Japan. They have a whole aisle dedicated to cockroach care. Hello, southern Japan and humid climates.

You are filthy and uncouth. You ruined a perfectly nice evening.

(not) love,

Vivian

8 comments:

Creatively Challenged said...

deliriously delightful

thevoyageofv said...

1) That's what you get for watching How I Met Your Mother. Worst show on tv (after Two and a Half Men)!
2) Cockroaches are one of the main things that make me hesitate about moving to New York.
3) It is awesome that you used the word 'uncouth.'

韋于倫成 said...

Hello,這裡真是百看不厭的部落格........................................

Coffee_c said...

Oh dear Vivian! My heart goes out to you, as I would have done the same thing, but maybe screamed a little bit more if I saw a roach on my kitchen sink.
They are disgusting creatures! Thankfully, you're not in Thailand, where you can't kill them because their life (like all)is sacred! So make good use of that sray you bought and kill one for me.
Love, Annie

Des said...

What a creative post. It made me laugh so hard. I've been there before.

Kristina said...

hej vivan, this reminds me of my year in singapore... the little monsters were all over the place. once during a bbq, one of them flew on my back and i jumped in the pool furiously :) everybody had a good laugh!
keep the fight up!!

Kris said...

>You were much, much bigger and faster than your Korean counterpart.

At least it didn't fly straight at your head, as they seem prone to do.

Miyan said...

this was a really cute & funny post. sorry you had to deal with him, the same thing happened to me the other night. a cockroach was just chillin on my wall!!!