Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Worst. Idea. Ever?

On Saturday night, it was cold, grey, and pouring rain. Aaron and I met up and decided to go eat at a Korean restaurant for old times sake. I had been craving kimchi all week (kimchi is Korea's national dish, and I love it so much. It's pretty much fermented cabbage). We went to the best, most authentic Korean restaurant in Montreal (there is only a handful of K-restaurants), which is located right next to a Korean grocery store. It was my first time there since I got back, and it felt like.... Korea. The grocery store was exactly the same- I kept pointing out excitedly at all the packaged foods and drinks I recognized and miss. I even heard Korean being spoken and ajummas (old ladies) working there. I almost cried in my bibimbap when I heard 'gamsa hamnida' (which means thanks).

Whoa. I never thought I'd react so strongly to the whole thing, I felt like maybe it was a bad, bad idea to revisit Korea... just yet. Sitting there in the simple, tackily-decorated restaurant, chatting and laughing with Aaron, it reminded me of how... simple and fun things used to be. We'd finish teaching, and pick any restaurant in our neighborhood and try something new. (Even though, I didn't appreciate it back then, I missed Western food like crazy). It made me miss how huge Seoul was. I started missing every little thing. I even started seriously thinking about going back.

As I looked around the restaurant crowded with Korean immigrants, I spotted a few white faces. I wondered if they also were former ESL teachers missing Korea. It was kind of sad. I think I don't want Korea to be over, I miss the excitement of living abroad. I'm scared to settle in one place, I'm not ready for that just yet. Maybe I never will. I need to travel some more, and I need to live and work abroad. I want to get lost in translation all over again. And I wish I did not need that, it makes things so complicated.

That was my Saturday night. It was so... painful. However, on Sunday morning, I woke up feeling like myself again. Something I haven't felt like since I got home in February. And for some reason, I've been feeling quite peaceful since then, enjoying my life here a lot more, and enjoying the present time instead of always wishing I was somewhere else.

13 comments:

{lovely little things} said...

I'm sorry that sounds like a startling realization, maybe you are meant to go back. I'm sure it will all make sense in time. Keep your head up!

Vivian said...

Maybe, I don't know! I'm giving myself a little bit of time here, and if I still feel like that in a few months, I'll seriously consider it. I love my job so much, though, I'm not ready to go just yet...

maeghan said...

Sometimes the difficult things are the things you need the most. Maybe it was good that you went. :) Just remember that things usually have a way of working themselves out!

Nicole Marie said...

seriously it took at least a year for me to be able to go to an italian restaurant without wanting to cry and go straight home to book a ticket back.

but maybe you needed that feeling to feel kind of at peace and appreciate montreal and all its wonderfulness.

also i think it will help a lot if you start traveling. even just weekend getaways. exploring new things might curb that craving for Seoul.

thevoyageofv said...

Sometimes I think us folks with severe cases of wanderlust use it as a subconscious excuse for running away from fears and problems. That's how I am. I use moving and travel to get away from things that are bothering me, because I think I'll always be happier somewhere else.
I know it's so hard. But it's really good you're giving yourself some time to figure things out. It'll all turn around, I'm sure of it :-)

Kelly said...

so NOT the worst idea ever. if anything it's given you appreciation for where you've been and where you can go! do keep traveling and do keep blogging about it :)

Kelly said...

Vivian!!!
I've given you an award! come look :)

seasonal lust said...

i guess korea had a stronger impact in you that you thought. =) its a good thing. it left a deep mark. thats beautiful.

thevoyageofv said...

I too, have given you an award. You're just that awesome.

Stephanie Catherine Tatyana Morris said...

i think you're doing the right thing by giving yourself a bit more time and thinking it through a bit more. remember that while you were here, you always missed home...and now you're home....you miss here. the grass is always greener......y'know?
having said that, sometimes it takes the removal of something before we realize how much we actually do love it. if you still feel this way in a few months, maybe look into it a bit more. we're both so young and have so much time ahead of ourselves. we only get one life......
this summer will be hard for me.....i'll be posting the exact why in a future blog......but you're right...it will be amazing. even more amazing because I know I am looking forward to August 24th....the day I will fly, fly away.
:)

shannon said...

doooooooooo it

K @ Blog Goggles said...

Aw, that's got to be so hard. Just keep in mind how great Western food can be :)

Melvin said...

Really good to read this..
thanks for sharing...




___________________
Melvin
Entertainment at one stop